Tahoe Daily Tribune: Neece ‘comes out’ with compelling story of love and life.

“Some stories have significance far beyond the pages on which they are written. Gone Today, Here Tomorrow, a memoir is one of those.  It brilliantly showcases the resilience of the human spirit, and is a beating the odds story everyone can appreciate.”

Gloria Sinibaldi, Tahoe Daily Tribune

Tahoe Daily Tribune: Neece ‘comes out’ with compelling story of love and life.

By Gloria Sinibaldi
November 15, 2012

Some stories have significance far beyond the pages on which they are written. “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow”, a memoir written by Lake Tahoe resident Randall Neece, is one of those.

Not only is it rich with compelling content, it is delivered masterfully in a riveting narrative that cuts to the core with honesty as its key ingredient. Neece does not gloss over the events of his life but instead focuses on telling his story in a way that opens hearts and minds. He discusses family, friends, self-discovery and coming of age, but he also introduces topics rarely spoken of with such candor. He shares with us his “coming out” experience within the parameters of a religious family, his long, loving and committed marriage to husband Joe Timko, a union that saved him during his darkest days and facing death and dying.

“Gone Today, Here Tomorrow” brilliantly showcases the resilience of the human spirit. It is a beating the odds story everyone can appreciate.

Sex was not a subject of discussion in the home where Neece grew up. He lived a stereotypical “Leave It to Beaver” lifestyle in a Whittier, Calif., neighborhood back in the 1950s. Raised in the Quaker faith by devout parents, the church played a central role in his family life. But Neece determined, based on a sexuality scale developed by sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey, that on a scale of 1 to 6, with six being the most gay, he was a six. Would he be accepted for who he was? There were no gay people that he knew, no role models to emulate. As a way to excel in something he loved, Neece embraced his natural talents. Using his innate ability to delight audiences and his God given gift for singing, he broke into the world of entertainment and became part of the singing group, “The Young Americans.” He traveled the world and made spotlight television appearances while still in high school.

Hollywood continued to be part of his legacy in later years. He went on to direct, produce and pilot television game shows. Although his career offered great promise his personal life was a confusing roller coaster ride until he met and fell in love with Joe, the love of his life.

But heartache laid in wait. Not long after AIDS made its debut and just as he and Joe planned to marry, Neece learned he was HIV positive. His illness bloomed into full-blown AIDS and he suffered the depths of hell battling one infection after another. Neece watched friends die one by one, which increased his fear and exacerbated his sorrow and shame. His fate was sealed and he knew it. He quietly prepared to die. But “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow” is deeper than just a story about AIDS. It’s a love story. Joe Timko and Randall Neece went on to get married in the face of it all, and at a time when marriage equality was extremely rare. It is what saved him.

“If it were not for Joe’s love, encouragement and commitment my story would have a different ending,” Neece said. Almost 30 years later they are still together. They appreciate each day of the full and wonderful life they resurrected after the darkness lifted.

Neece’s self-deprecating writing style inserts humor, adding yet another dimension to this amazing tale. “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow” is an inspiration to everyone who faces challenges and will offer hope and promise for a better tomorrow.

You can order your copy through Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. The publisher is Author House. Kindle and Nook versions are available.

 

Q & A with ‘Gone Today, Here Tomorrow’ author

Randall Neece and Joe Timko own and operate Canyon View Ranch, a dog-boarding facility in Topanga Canyon, Calif.Their celebrity clients describe it as the “Garden of Eden” for dogs. When they’re not there they escape to a much loved, slower paced lifestyle in Lake Tahoewhere they’ve owned a home since 2006. “Tahoe is where our heart is,” Neece said. “We call it home. When we first arrived we didn’t know anybody and nobody knew us. Now we have a large group of friends we see regularly. Prior to meeting us, many of them never knew a gay couple. In Los Angelesit’s no big deal but in a smaller town, it’s different. Viewpoints have changed and we’re proud of that. When people begin to realize that they know gay couples and have gay friends HIV and AIDS becomes more personal. It’s also what will turn around the issue of marriage equality. No longer will it be about them and us. It is really about all of us.”

Q: What was your life like as a young boy growing up in Whittier Calif.?

Neece: Back in the ’50s, it was a different time. It was like “Leave it to Beaver.” All the neighbors knew each other and there was a feeling of unity. It was a predominantly white, conservative community with no diversity. There were no out gay people.

Q: You became part of the singing group the Young Americans. What was that like and was it difficult to become grounded once it ended?

Neece: I had never traveled before. I flew around the world and was making television appearances at age 16. Most of the kids were older than me, around 21 or 22. I had to grow up fast. It was a fantastic learning experience and taught me self-discipline. When it ended, I was emotionally and sexually off balance. It took me about five years to get back on track.

Q: When did you feel well enough both physically and mentally to write a memoir? What inspired you?

Neece: I hung on just long enough to receive “the cocktail.” My health turned around quickly. It took about two years to recover emotionally and physically. I was offered a chance to direct two game shows. It was an enormous gift to go back to work. The “Canyon View Ranch” idea came three years later. Life rushed back quickly. Once I had a chance to step back and take a breath, about six years after the cocktail, I saw the gifts of a new beginning. I wrote to “The Advocate,” a gay and lesbian news magazine to tell my story. The response was great. I thought, “Could there a book in this?” It took me five years to write it.

Q: It must have required a serious emotional investment. How difficult was it to relate and relive your experiences?

Neece: It was very difficult but also cathartic. At first, I didn’t have a focus. Then, eventually I realized, this is not a story about AIDS, it’s a love story. I originally released “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow” in 2007. Today it has greater significance. I want to dispel the myth that it’s no longer a big deal to be HIV positive: “Just pop some pills and you’ll be just fine.” That’s not the case. My life is forever changed. Let’s make sure we learn lessons from the history of the AIDS epidemic. I also want people to know that although our story might be more dramatic, what Joe and I went through is really not that different than what other marriages face. We all have challenges.

Q: As a young man of 35 what was it like to face death and dying?

Neece: It was like having the rug pulled out from under me. HIV was a death sentence. In 1988 the people I knew who were HIV positive were dropping like flies. There was no logical reason to think I would be an exception. Once I got through my own personal hurdles my focus turned to Joe. How would he be taken care? When I became consistently sick I just wanted it to be over. I didn’t want to put my loved ones through it. I wanted them to be able to get on with their lives.

Q: At one point you preferred death to prolonged suffering and wanted to give up then that the “cocktail” came along. How did you and Joe deal with your renewed health? You were joyous of course, but there must have been some challenges.

Neece: I didn’t think I would survive and had no plans for it. You play mind games with yourself. You tell yourself, “The next life is going to be great!” Then all of a sudden that trip has been canceled. Now what? Having to start my life all over again was daunting. Re-starting my career was mind-boggling. When the opportunity to direct again came along it was like a dream. I thought I would wake up and it wouldn’t be true.

Q: In today’s world most marriages fail but the marriage between you and Joe has been successful for almost 30 years, even under extreme circumstances. To what do you attribute your success?

Neece: After facing these struggles we’ve learned what’s important. Our perspectives have changed. It’s given us strength to handle things. Hard times can bring you together or tear you apart. For us, we stayed together. Joe and I had good parents. They were role models and taught us how to be good people. They demonstrated how to make a marriage work. Joe’s parents have been married for 65 years.

Q: How have your experiences changed who you are today?

Neece: I used to live a regimented life. I always had a plan and needed one. I’m a control freak, most directors are. I’m willing to take risks now. I’ve eliminated the “what ifs” and believe anything is possible. Canyon View Ranch is a perfect example of this. It was an enormous risk, financially and otherwise. The old Randy would never have given it a chance.

Q: Why should we read, “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow?” Is there a message?

Neece: The message is “never say never.” When you think things are at their worst, don’t give up. Instead say, “The best is yet to be!” It’s not only a love story. It’s for anyone who faces challenges, whatever they may be.

Q: What is your life like today? How have you been impacted by the side effects of taking so many drugs?

Neece: The quantity of medications I’ve taken could fill a cargo container. It’s bound to have an effect on your body. We live in Tahoe and ski a lot. Some friends like to do first tram. I have to pass. In that way it’s been tough. There is a laundry list of side effects. Multiply that by six or seven highly toxic drugs and everything changes. The other reality is I never know how long they’re going to continue to work. This of course has an emotional effect. Am I living on borrowed time? My way of handling it is to just get out of bed in the morning and keep going.

Q: Why do you think you survived? Do you experience survivor’s guilt and if so how do you handle it?

Neece: What I feel is a profound sense of responsibility to pass along the lessons we learned. As a tribute and honor to my friends who didn’t make it, I need to carry the message. “Play it safe and protect yourself or this is what happens.” I also want to tell them to come out of the closet, the sooner the better. Promiscuity is a byproduct of staying in the closet too long. Being promiscuous and not protecting yourself is lethal. Young people need to know that practicing safe sex is not just hype. I always search for reasons for my survival and would never want to miss one. If I can write a book and get out a message, then I’ll do it.

Q: What advice would the older and wiser Randy of today give to the young Randy of yesterday?

Neece: I would tell him that it’s possible to find the right person in your life. I would like to be a role model for that. Don’t be discouraged or lose hope. Also I would tell him to be prepared when coming out to your parents. Be ready for the conversation in order to avoid a bad scenario. Know what you’re going to say. … Know how you’re going to respond. Pick the right time. Be in a good place and don’t do it when you’re stressed or upset.

Q: Do you feel people have evolved in their thinking about the subject of AIDS and also about the hot topic of marriage equality?

Neece: All of the polling is pointing to a new horizon and positive changes. But those who are opposed are extremely vocal. Opposition is fierce. AIDS education has come a long way and that’s good.

 

 

Love, marriage and AIDS

Love, marriage and AIDS

Topanga resident Randy Neece tells of living with AIDS and surviving through marriage in his re-released memoir “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow.”

By Melonie Magruder / Special to The Malibu Times

Sixty-year-old Topanga resident Randy Neece has lived with the reality of AIDS for nearly half his life. Diagnosed with HIV in 1988, he was in the throes of full-blown AIDS and fighting for his life by 1993.

But when he describes his memoir cataloguing that time, “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow,” recently annotated and re released by AuthorHouse, he characterizes it not as an AIDS story, but a love story.

The book tells of not just the painful journey Neece undertook with his diagnosis—years of panic at the slightest sniffle, the unending “cocktail” of drugs required to keep infections at bay, the increasingly debilitating illnesses and agonizing trips to the hospital, the point of deciding that death would be preferable to an AIDS-defined life—but the remarkable tale of the man who stood by him for the past 30 years, his husband, Joe Timko.

“Joe was with me every step,” Neece said. “He didn’t have to hang in there but he enlisted in this war. He crawled to the front lines to pull me back into a foxhole and saved my life and it wasn’t easy. To me, that’s what a real marriage is all about.

“That’s one of the reasons I wanted to re-release this book [originally published in 2007],” Neece continued. “At this time, when marriage equality is such a hot-button issue, I want people to see what a 30-year, committed relationship is like.”

Both Neece and Timko believe they come by their mutual dedication naturally. Neece was raised in Orange County in a tight-knit Quaker family (Neece calls it “The Friends Church”), where his parents worked together in a paint and wallpaper store. The whole family stood by each other, despite his parents’ initial skepticism of Neece’s sexuality.

Timko grew up in a traditional Italian Catholic family of chaos and family dinners. He kept his sexuality a secret from his father for years at the request of his mother, who claimed knowing his son was gay “would kill him.” But when Timko finally came out to his father, the response was simply, “You are my son and I’ll love you no matter what.”

That loving acceptance of whatever life would throw at them was the glue that kept Neece and Timko together for three decades. With the controversy of California’s Proposition 8 swirling and gay marriage being a touchstone of political campaigning, Neece believes examples like himself and Timko could be illuminating for some people who question their feelings on the subject.

“I think that most people who are opposed to gay marriage probably never met a gay couple who’ve been together for a long time,” Neece said. “What makes a marriage? We have all the same issues any long-together couple has. How have I handled it? Hmmm. Earplugs?”

Timko worked as a ski instructor and blackjack dealer in Lake Tahoe when he first traveled west. He had been with Neece four years before the HIV diagnosis came, and said abandoning his partner was not an option.

“It’s not anything heroic,” Timko said. “You stick with someone you love. We both came from strong family values. You face stuff together.”

Their struggle in negotiating his illness was another reason Neece wanted to re-write and rerelease “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow.” He is alarmed at the growing complacency he sees in a younger generation’s approach to safe sex, and their inherent insouciance toward AIDS as a life-threatening disease.

“I felt I missed something in the first version of this book that I needed to rectify,” Neece said. “We may have enjoyed a happy ending, but my life is by no means normal. We’ve progressed so much in the fight against AIDS, kids nowadays think you can just take a pill. It’s not like that. It’s a tedious daily struggle. But the history of AIDS and the devastation it continues to cause is just lost on this generation. I felt it was my responsibility, having survived to pass along what I’ve learned and detail the realities of my life.”

Though he found writing his book “cathartic,” Neece doesn’t dwell on it. After his health turned for the better in 1997, the partners opened a dog boarding and training facility in Topanga, which boards about 80 dogs per day and helps keep the couple running.

“When I got well, my life went back into full force mode,” Neece said. “I wanted to leave a legacy so I wrote this book, but I’m not going anywhere.”

MALIBU TIMES
Living with AIDS

MALIBU TIMES
Living with AIDS

Friday, November 09, 2007

AIDS nearly killed Topanga Canyon resident Randy Neece 11 years ago. He writes about his struggle with the disease and his road to relative healthiness in his book, “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow.”

By Jonathan Friedman / Assistant Editor

Randy Neece is living the good life. The Topanga Canyon resident runs Canyon View Ranch-a five-acre vacation place for dogs that is more a luxury resort than a kennel-with his partner of nearly 25 years, Joe Timko. He spends his days taking care of and playing with dogs while running the financial end of the successful business. And his health is excellent. One would never know that he has full-blown AIDS.

Neece, 54, has chronicled the ups and downs of his life in a book released this year titled “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow.” The novel begins as a tale of a young Quaker boy in Orange County struggling with his sexuality. In his teens, he toured the world as a member of The Young Americans musical group, and this eventually led to a career in game show and documentary production.

The book is also a love story. After several years of numerous short-term relationships, Neece met Timko, now 50, in 1983. The two were prepared to celebrate their fifth anniversary and soon a wedding when one day Neece received a letter from a life insurance company denying him coverage.

“There was no mention of HIV in the letter, but I didn’t have to be a Mensa member to decipher the code,” Neece writes in his book. “I knew exactly what ‘abnormalities detected in my blood’ meant.”

Neece and Timko both were tested the next day, with Neece officially learning the news he already knew and Timko surprisingly finding out he was negative. Since the two had carried on a monogamous relationship for half a decade, it was determined Timko probably had some sort of immunity to the virus.
Despite finding out he had what at that time was still essentially a death sentence, Neece continued on with as normal a life as he could. He and Timko entered “unchartered territory” with a gay wedding in which “everything about a ‘traditional wedding’ had to be adapted, reinvented or tossed out.” The couple went on a honeymoon to Kauai. And Neece continued to work on various television shows and medical documentaries to varying degrees of success. Life continued on a somewhat normal path until 1993, when his HIV advanced into AIDS.

For three years, Neece was in and out of the hospital, nearly dying on each trip. And the times he wasn’t there, he was at home receiving medical treatments from Timko and taking drugs that helped him stay alive, but also made him terribly sick. While Timko remained optimistic, at least outwardly, throughout that period, Neece believed on many occasions that death would be a better option.

“I’d had enough needles and pills, and hospital stays,” Neece writes. “It was time. If God was going to perform a miracle on me, He would have done it long ago.”

Neece’s desire to die and Timko’s will to keep his partner alive is a significant struggle in the book. Eventually the two made a deal after seeing a friend who counseled them. Neece would continue with the IVs and drugs. But the next time he had a major sickness and had to return to the hospital, they would “let nature take its course.”

And then in March 1996, that miracle Neece thought would never come did. A new drug called Saquinavir had reduced his viral load (the amount of active HIV in the body) to zero and increased his T-cell count. Over the years he has taken other drugs and he continues to remain healthy. Today he takes four pills a day, which Neece described in a recent interview as “tough on the system, it’s not like popping four vitamins.” But it is nothing like taking 50 pills a day, which he used to have to do.

Shortly after the miracle drug came into Neece’s life, he returned to work in game show production. But that was short-lived, as he and Timko, who had become a successful dog trainer, founded Canyon View Ranch.

Neece said he got the idea for his book after receiving several favorable responses to a brief article he wrote in The Advocate about his battle with AIDS and his success with Canyon View Ranch. So, over the next few years as a side project he put his life story on paper, writing the book for himself, with no intention of anybody actually reading it.

“There were times for eight hours I would sit writing, and it felt like I had been through the most amazing session with a shrink,” Neece said. “Things bounced back so quickly and I went into full gear so fast once I got well that I never really had a chance to stop and see what had happened. So writing this was really therapeutic.”

Despite the dark subject matter in the latter half of the book, Neece still includes humor. A deadly infection of the lungs that affected him several times, known as Mycobacterium Avium Complex, Neece refers to as the MAC Attack. A chapter detailing his emotions about what he believed was his inevitable death while describing his anger over the fundamentalist Christian reaction to AIDS is called “Dear Pat Robertson: My end is near. Kiss it!”

“AIDS can be a very depressing subject,” Neece said. “So I wanted to give the readers a little bit of release from wanting to tear their hair out.”

The book has received good reviews in the gay media, and large crowds have come to book signings, many of them with their own stories of survival and those struggling with illnesses who see Neece’s book as an inspiration.

“I was just amazed with the response,” Timko said. A man who prefers happiness, Timko said he doesn’t often think about the struggle that ended more than a decade ago because it makes him sad.

“My days then weren’t really set up until I saw him [Neece] coming through the living room door,” Timko said. “And then my heart would stop, and if he had that ‘I feel awful’ look, I’d feel sad and know it would be a bad day. And if he looked better, then I’d feel like ‘Oh good, it’s going to be a good day.'”

Timko said through most of the battle, he felt that Neece would get better, and it upset him as things only got worse.

“The day the ethics consultant came, that was the first time I gave into the fact that he was going to die,” Timko said.

Today, Timko and Neece are grateful that they have the life they do and that Neece is relatively healthy. But Neece never forgets he has a serious disease that is still without a cure. And because of that, it allows him to look at things differently.

“I feel much freer to try things, to branch out,” Neece said. “I’m much more focused on doing new things rather than just repeating. [Earlier in life] I would have never gambled on buying this five-acre piece [Canyon View Ranch]. But when you get lucky and start anew, it does put a whole new spin on things. Time is precious. And I don’t waste time on the things that aren’t important.”

Book Review: Liberty Press

Book Review
Liberty Press

January 2008 Issue
William N. Proctor-Artz

Wow!  If you read only two books a year, read Edward Field’s book, [reviewed earlier in article], and then Randall Neece’s, Gone Today, Here Tomorrow (Authorhouse, $15.95).   This is a gut-wrenching and poignant memoir of Randy Neece, that more than rivals the excellent works of Paul Monette.  Neece, above all, is a great writer, and quite forthright about his battle with the news that he was HIV-positive, and then his fight with AIDS, and how the love of his life, Joe, became his savior, and how Randy became Joe’s savior.  One of the best lines in the whole book: “We learn and grow not from what we can do, but from what we think we cannot do.”  This is well worth a read, but I must warn you, the first half is really emotionally tough to get through, but the reward will truly be life changing.  If not life changing, it will definitely give one pause to truly appreciate the importance of living in the present, this very instant, and NOT pining over the past, or fearing the future, and also, the power of love.

IN MAGAZINE: AGAINST ALL ODDS

IN MAGAZINE

Review by Christopher Cappiello

AGAINST ALL ODDS

For many years, a memoir involving HIV/AIDS was, by definition, a story of inevitable loss. When game-show director/producer Randy Neece was diagnosed with HIV in 1988, he assumed that’s how his story would go. Almost 20 years later, however, thanks to medical advances, Neece is thriving, enjoying life with his longtime partner at Canyon View Ranch, the Malibu “doggie Disneyland” they operate together. Neece tells his moving story in Gone Today, Here Tomorrow, his candid and surprisingly humorous memoir that traces his life from his first awkward liaisons with the boy next door through his long battle to live with HIV.

Authorhouse, $15.95

Handling second chances is subject of book

Handling second chances is subject of book

By: E’LOUISE ONDASH – For the North County Times

Randall Neece celebrated his 55th birthday last month and swore he’d never complain about getting older again.

That’s because the Emmy Award-winning television director and producer never expected to live this long. He was diagnosed with HIV in 1988, and by the mid-1990s, was planning his funeral and making provisions for his partner of 24 years, Joe Timko.

“AIDS was a death sentence back in the early ’90s,” Neece said recently during a phone interview from his home inLake Tahoe. “There really wasn’t any hope. It was ‘How long can you keep going before one of the infections gets you?’ My health had deteriorated so badly that, even if a drug did come along, I was so far gone I thought I wouldn’t rebound.”

Neece thought the end had come in 1996. After cheating death several times, his blood tests showed that his viral load registered at an astronomically high level. He put his affairs in order and waited to die.

And then a miracle happened.

The FDA approved a new “cocktail” of drugs known as protease inhibitors, and within a month, Neece’s viral load was zero and his T-cell count had risen. Suddenly he had to think about the future.

“I thought, ‘Now what the hell am I going to do?'”

How he dealt with his second chance —- not an uncommon problem today, thanks to effective cancer treatments and medical technology —- is the story Neece tells in “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow” (Authorhouse; $15.95).

There are a lot of things to consider, he said. How do you learn to relive, rebuild relationships and make your life count? How do you deal with the debt you thought you’d never have to pay? What about the possibility of recurring disease? Do you tell new friends about your illness?

“None of us knows what will happen tomorrow, but … I now have perspective on what’s important,” Neece said. “I want people to know that no matter how bad things get, they can turn out better.”

Neece’s second chance meant an opportunity to dramatically change his life. He and Timko left the Hollywood life behind and decided to build a “Disneyland for dogs.” They bought 5 acres near Malibu, built waterfalls, a bone-shaped swimming pool and puppy playgrounds, and were open for business. His clients are the pets of some of Hollywood’s biggest names.

“One of the nice things about this book is that it doesn’t have a sad ending,” Neece said. “I hope it will be an inspiration to others. I think the book has a universal message and hope people see it that way.”

Gone Today, Here Tomorrow: A Memoir by Topangan Randy Neece

From Vol. 31 No. 17
8/23/2007 – 9/5/2007

Gone Today, Here Tomorrow: A Memoir by Topangan Randy Neece

by Lee Michaelson

Thursday, August 16, will mark the release of a new book that by all odds should never have been written. A book authored by a mensch of a man whom, had fate run what seemed to be its course, none of us here in Topanga should ever have gotten to know.

By all rights (if such a word can even be used in this context), by January 1996, Randall Neece should have been dead of AIDS, or more precisely, one of the many cruelly devastating bouts of opportunistic infections that beset him unrelentingly from the time his HIV status, discovered in 1988, developed into full-blown AIDS in 1993. That is, if he hadn’t taken his own life with a Seconal overdose before then in order to spare himself the misery and indignity of constant disabling illness and his partner for life Joe Timko the burden of tending him as he literally disintegrated.

By that point, Neece had lost so many of his friends to the so-called “gay plague” that he was left to wonder if there would be anyone left but family to attend his funeral. As it turned out, his worries were both ill-placed and premature.

Through a combination of faith, love, and perseverance – and perhaps a measure of plain dumb luck – Neece lasted long enough to see the arrival of the AIDS drug cocktails. In four weeks after starting on a Saquinavir-based cocktail in March 1996, Neece, who by that point literally had one foot in the grave, saw his viral load plummet from 580,000 to zero, news that seemed miraculous at the time. His nearly non-existent T-cell count had quadrupled from 12 to 48. His battle with AIDS would not be over, but now there was hope for something more than one debilitating round of illness after another. Now there was hope for creating a life.

That’s how it came to pass that in 1998 Neece and Timko moved to the Canyon and created Canyon View Training Ranch for Dogs, a business that has contributed heavily to local charities while totally redefining the way most of us understand the term “kennel.” It’s how countless Canyon hounds have come to learn their “Ps” and “Qs,” find human and canine companionship while owners are away, and also have their lives saved through Canyon View’s free annual Rattlesnake Avoidance Workshops. It’s also how Randy Neece came to join Topanga Coalition for Emergency Preparedness (T-CEP), where he energetically helped Topangans network their neighborhoods, receiving a T-CEP Volunteer Award in recognition of his efforts last year.

And it’s also how Neece came to write Gone Today, Here Tomorrow. Billed as a memoir, the book is equally a love story. Neece tells the tale of growing up in a conservative Quaker household in Granada Heights, California, and his struggle to deal with his sense of “difference” as an adolescent coming of age in the oh-so-straight, small town, Southern California sixties.

For lesbian and gay readers, Neece’s story of coming out, first to himself, then to friends, and finally to his (not initially accepting) family will seem all too familiar. Straight readers have no need to fear uncomfortable gay sex scenes, however. A fairly innocent game of swimming trunks tug-o-war with a likeminded pal as a thirteen-year old is about as graphic as things get.

What will resonate for many readers of all backgrounds is the emptiness of one-night stands, and Neece’s search for true love, which he ultimately found in 1983 in the arms of Timko, a transplanted Jersey-boy who had moved to Laguna after a stint as a ski instructor and blackjack dealer inLake Tahoe. By the time they met, and fell in love at first sight, Timko was working in aquarium maintenance and Neece (who had gotten his break as a sitcom director while working as a driver for Norman Lear) was working his way up the ladder inHollywoodgame show production.

Neece’s professional career alternated between game show development and the production of educational videos for Kaiser. Over the years, he produced and directed more than a dozen game shows for CBS, NBC, Lifetime Television, the Family Channel, and for syndication. He is the recipient of more than 20 national and international awards, including an Emmy Award for the AIDS drama Secrets, winner for Outstanding Achievement, Children or Youth Special, and Best for Show for his drama In Anyone’s Heart, from the Health Communications Association.

One of the projects on which Neece worked with Kaiser in 1988 was AIDS Encounters, a video to help physicians deal with issues surrounding HIV and AIDS, breaking the news to patients that they were HIV positive, discussing safer sex with gay patients, and related issues. The project went on to win numerous awards, and Kaiser was so proud to have its name on the project that they released it to hospitals and doctors all over the country.

At the time, Neece had no idea that he might one day be on the receiving end of a positive HIV test result. From the time they began living together in 1983, and committed themselves in a personal marriage ceremony (regrettably still not legally binding inCalifornia) five years later before friends and some relatives, Neece and Timko had remained faithful to one another. So when word of AIDS-related deaths among gay men began to spread, the couple believed they were safe. No one knew at the time that the virus could lie dormant for years.

On the eve of his wedding, while applying for an upgrading life insurance policy, Neece got the bad news. He was HIV positive. Fortunately, Timko was not infected. At first, Neece argued for calling off the wedding, but Joe insisted that “now it’s even more important than ever to celebrate our life together.” The pair ended up tying the knot at their doctor’s home.

Neece maintained his health without incident for the next couple of years, attempting to build up his savings as much as possible against the prospect of impending medical bills or prolonged disability. In the interim, he focused his energy on his educational work, putting out another four-part series for Kaiser, Now That You Know, covering a range of topics from emotional issues to medical information for people of various backgrounds infected with HIV. Kaiser donated a set of the tapes, and a compassion booklet, to every nonprofit AIDS organization in the country.

While Neece continued to grapple with his own diagnosis, he lost his mother to a rare blood disease (myelofibrosis), as well as one of his closest friends, John Watson, to AIDS complications. Neece never told his mother of his HIV status, not wanting to burden her, but spent hours by her hospital bedside, as well as tending his friend. By 1991, Neece’s own T-cell count began to dip, and he began treatment with AZT.

In Neece’s own words, “For just about everyone starting on AZT, the first three or four weeks were usually horrendous, like having the most intense flu imaginable. I didn’t have any symptoms of HIV at the time, so taking AZT was like going to the dentist for a simple routine cleaning and walking out with three root canals and all four wisdom teeth pulled. Miserable didn’t come close to describing how I felt. The hardest part was swallowing pill after pill, knowing that it was going to make me feel even worse, and never knowing when, or if, it was ever going to let up.”

Neece continued to maintain his career as he broke the news of his HIV-status to his sister, his father, and his Uncle John, seeking their understanding and their help in the event he was no longer able to support himself and his partner as his medical condition grew worse.

In 1993, Neece took off on the terrifying roller coaster ride that is full-blown AIDS. As Joe entertained guests visiting theirLaurelCanyonhome for an August afternoon barbeque, Neece found he could not keep up; his fever was rising precipitously, he was drenched in sweat, and he could not stop coughing. Timko wrapped Neece in blankets and rushed him to the hospital where he received the diagnosis: pneumosystis carinii pneumonia (PCP), an opportunistic infection of full-blown AIDS.

From that point on, Neece’s life was in a downhill spiral, best described in the book itself. Apart from the physical misery of constant illness and the side effects of the drugs used to treat those illnesses, there was the loss of his career, his livelihood, his identity as a self-sufficient and independent provider.

Other books have described the pain and loss of this terrible disease. Two things make Neece’s book truly different. First, while readers of late have been feted with so many stories of protagonists who face their impending deaths with stoic dispassion, Neece in the poet’s words, does “not go gentle into that good night.” Not only does he “rage against the dying of the light,” he kicks, screams, cries, pounds his fists, and at times outright bitches and moans. Through all this, Neece writes with remarkable courage, unflinchingly exposing his own shortcomings in the process. While his story illuminates the triumph of faith and love, he is quick to share his own moments of doubt, selfishness, and negativity. Indeed, unlike the authors of many a memoir, Neece makes no effort to make himself the hero of his own tale. If there is a knight in shining armor, Neece puts the spotlight on Timko who is constantly by his side with a word of hope or cheer, who gives up his own job to nurse Neece at home through fevers and infections from which Neece mercifully spares the reader the gory details. It is Timko who time and again dissuades Neece from ending it all, and Timko who, after Neece unpredictably becomes sick enough one night to have to drive himself to the hospital while Timko is seeking a brief respite from Neece’s nagging complaints in a few games of pool, leaves his broken pool cue in the bathroom with a note begging forgiveness and promising never again to leave his side even for a moment. In putting so much focus on the roles of his life partner and friends in helping him make it through, Neece shows the kind of man he is, but he perhaps gives too little weight to his personal courage, leaving it to the reader to remember, in spite of all his shortcomings, just how much valor it takes simply to keep putting one foot in front of the other, day-after-day, in the face of chronic illness.

Second, in other books, AIDS has always had the final word. “Gone Today, Here Tomorrow marks the next phase in the evolution of the AIDS narrative,” writes Barbara Meltzer. “If Paul Monette, activist and author of Borrowed Time, An AIDS Memoir, gave the pain of loss to the disease its most enduring and beautiful expression, Randy Neece does the same for the joy and wonder, as well as the guilt, of surviving it.”

Neece even has a name for it – the Lazarus Syndrome, that “weighed upside-down cake of emotions…that comes of having been raised from the dead.” Here Neece sat, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt on his credit cards (which would have been no problem had he actually died, but was a big problem now that he was alive and expected to pay them), with no job and unlikely to get a job in his profession as he was uninsurable. He was no longer at death’s door, but had no idea how long that would last; he did know he was still weak from years of being sick, and a routine of 48 pills a day added to his nausea and fatigue.

How does one go about rebuilding a life?  In a nutshell, Neece’s friends in Hollywood get him a couple of stints in the director’s chair by enlisting the aid of a back-up director named Chris Darley; by Neece’s account, having Darley back him up was like having Pavarotti back up Barry Manilow, but it enabled the producers to get insurance. Which was fortunate, because Neece had a few more bouts with AIDS-related infections while the show was in production. Nonetheless, he was able to get his credit straightened up.

Second, while Neece had been ill, he and Timko had adopted a show-quality Tibetan terrier named Max, and later, a mate for him named Hello Dalai. Timko proved so adept at training and showing dogs that in 1998, he and Max took Best of Breed at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show inNew York’sMadisonSquareGarden. Recognizing Timko’s skill and passion for training animals, Neece had encouraged him to apprentice under aSan Diegodog trainer. On the way home fromWestminster, Timko and Neece envisioned opening their own training and kennel facility.

After checking out several kennels for sale in the general area (of which Neece writes, “Alcatraz had more charm.”), Neece decided that what he had in mind was not “putting dogs behind bars with a pail of water in the corner,” but rather, “Disneyland for dogs.” “Clients would drive up a long tree-lined driveway and we could create large lawns and playgrounds all around so the dogs could run and play together all day.”

They put their own home on the market (which sold quickly), and with their own five dogs in tow, made their way to Topanga. The realtor told them, “TopangaCanyonis home to about six thousand people and ten thousand dogs,” so they knew they were in the right place.

They found a two-story house on Will Geer Road, surrounded by acres of dry scrub brush and breathtaking 360-degree views of the Canyon. Neece and Timko moved in three weeks later, and poured thousands of hours of sweat equity into the place, which began attracting celebrity clients and soon caught the eye of the media. Soon, Canyon View Training Ranch for Dogs was being featured by Time Magazine, Dog Fancy, National Geographic Explorer, Animal Planet, Access Hollywood, MTV and VH-1. Many clients would drive off saying, “Gee, the dog is staying in a nicer place than we are!”

It wasn’t until after they moved in that they learned that the place was zoned for no more than three dogs and that they would have to apply for a conditional use permit to build their kennel. By the time their application came up for a hearing, County officials were impressed by the number of neighbors and clients who turned out in their support, says Neece. “‘Nobody ever shows up to support a kennel,’ one of them told me,” he added.

Several of their Topanga friends and neighbors – among them, Susan Nissman, Pat and Jack MacNeil, Bill Buerge and Gail McDonald Tune, Roger Altenbach and Dawn Simmons, and Penny Chavez – ventured out toWest Hollywoodon August 16 to join Neece in the launch party celebrating his new book. The book can also be purchased through online booksellers.

Neece’s viral load remains at zero. The couple, who celebrated their twentieth anniversary at the ranch in 2003, continues to actively support the Topanga community while looking ahead toward their eventual retirement.

EDGE Review: Gone Today, Here Tomorrow

EDGE Review: Gone Today, Here Tomorrow

by Ellen Wernecke
EDGE New York City Contributor
Saturday Aug 4, 2007

Randall Neece never considered himself to be at risk for HIV–after all, at the time of his diagnosis in 1988, he had been monogamous for five years and was planning a wedding with his partner Joe.

But the struggle of the former child performer and television producer to face his own mortality and fight back against his disease, as chronicled in Gone Today, Here Tomorrow, will be familiar for fans of Paul Monette and others of the genre.

Neece’s surprising comeback, after a series of drug trials left him progressively weaker, is never fully explained (maybe his doctors don’t even know why it worked), but his decision–made together with his partner–to reshape his whole life should inspire even the most hardened pessimist.

Amazon Review: Realistic, emotional journey through love from despair to a new hope

Amazon Review

Realistic, emotional journey through love from despair to a new hope

July 25, 2007

By Bob Lind “camelwest” (Phoenix, AZ United States)

In autobiographical style, the author starts with his childhood, growing up in a conservative Quaker family in a small Southern Californiatown. He knew he was “different” than most of his peers early on, although he really didn’t have a word for it (homosexual) until his early teens. Involvement in singing and acting in high school plays, followed by five years of touring with The Young Americans singing group, were just diversions that helped him not to deal with his sexual orientation, until he left the group at 21 and moved to Hollywoodto explore a career in television production.

Randy knew that Joe was “the one” for him, the moment they met at a gay bar, when Randy was pushing 30. They moved in together immediately, had a commitment ceremony on their fifth anniversary, and were very happy … until a routine insurance physical revealed that Randy had HIV, contracted before he met Joe. Thankfully, Joe remained negative.

The book takes you through the years following the 1988 diagnosis of being positive, to the first of many opportunistic infections Randy suffered, which marked its progress to full blown AIDS about five years later. The author deals with the realities of such a diagnosis that aren’t often covered in such stories, including the financial uncertainties, the emotional and mental toll on the caregiving partner, all the while dealing with toxic medications that kept one alive, but at a great decrease in the quality of that life. The late 1990’s saw the advent of protease inhibitors, new drugs that – while not a cure – gave patients such as Randy a new reason to hope. They work on rebuilding the lives that had been put on “hold” for the past decade, trying to establish a more enjoyable and successful career path for Joe than the one he left behind, and also to negotiate Randy’s gradual return to the work force.

An emotional yet realistic journey from despair to a new hope, excellently written by a talented author. Much recommended. Five stars out of five.

 

Sorrowful Story Earns Its Happy Ending

Sorrowful Story Earns Its Happy Ending

Hal Campbell 10 Jul 2007
GONE TODAY, HERE TOMORROW
by Randall Neece
Alyson Books
Remember how flooded the book market was in the mid- 90s with AIDS memoirs? One gay widower after another shared his grief with the reading public over the loss of his partner in the late-80s and early-90s. We learned of the early I-don’t-feel-well period, the first trip to the doctor’s office, the reaction to what was accepted as a death sentence diagnosis, the various mood swings of the patient before a final resignation of the inevitable, and the survivor’s coping with his loss. Most were extremely well-written (surprising since so many were first-time publishing efforts), heart-breaking, and great testaments to the adherence to the “in sickness and in health” phrase to the very end.

But then, like all trends in literature, the AIDS memoir had its time in the sun and was eventually bumped from book shelves to make way for the next wave of gay literature which was, I’m sorry to say, an overall shallow collection of fiction. (The 20-somethings finally had their chance to flaunt their drugs-and-parties lifestyle in print since so many of the great writers were now gone).

But now the AIDS memoir is slowly making a comeback. This time, however, the authors are not the grieving partners of AIDS patients. Instead, they are the patients themselves. Long-term survivorship due to all the new drugs–especially the protease inhibitors–is now becoming commonplace. And leave it to composer Stephen Sondheim to provide us with another anthem symbolizing our situation. “There’s a Place for Us,” the WEST SIDE STORY lament commonly sung at funerals in the ’80s when our friends were dropping faster than we could write sympathy notes to their families, has now been replaced by “I’m Still Here,” from the ironically named musical “FOLLIES.”

This brings me to GONE TODAY, HERE TOMORROW by Randall Neece. After having a required routine physical examination, the author– a rising 35 year-old television producer– received a letter denying him life insurance. The cause for the declination was, “due to abnormalities detected in your blood.” In 1988 no gay man on the planet could miss the subliminal message behind those words. And is if the letter weren’t depressing enough, it arrived when the author and his partner, Joe (last name not revealed), were planning a ceremony to commemorate their first five years together.

At this point the memoir begins to resemble its predecessors from two decades before. We follow Randy through his endless battles with one infection after another. (I marvel that he was able to recall all those excruciating details. When I look back on what I went through during those early years following my diagnosis, much is just a blur.) Year after year, incident after incident, with Joe at his side Randy comes close to death, only to be blessed with a last minute medical miracle. But what good is a miracle if the life a patient is left with is devoid of happiness? Who wants to force himself to keep going when his existence is comprised of enslavement to a pill schedule, ceaseless diarrhea, making doctor appointments, forcing himself to eat despite intense nausea while at the same time he watches his weight plummet, and constantly craving sleep? And yet Randy did keep going and–astoundingly–in 1997 he was actually able to return to his profession as a television producer.

This is where the book steps out of the shadows of the earlier generation of AIDS memoirs. For the rest of Randy and Joe’s story, we watch them completely restructure their lives, culminating in the development of a successful business. Their love for dogs leads them into a world of raising show champions, judging at shows, grooming, and the managing of the ultimate pet hotel. At the book’s conclusion the business is still thriving and Randy’s health remains good. Amazingly, he is still involved with television producing and directing when he can get away from the dog world.

If ever there was a justified happy ending to a book, this is the one. Randy’s story is an inspiration to all of us afflicted with a medical condition that attacks our souls as well as our bodies. It also shows that some miracles don’t make their presence known until they’ve been around for a while. But often it’s not until they turn into blessings that we appreciate them. Patience truly is a virtue.